DIR (Diva in Reign)

Daily Prompt: The Show Must Go On

If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!).


Not being able to write. Not cool. Well since I’d like to be close enough to the artistic vision, I’d settle for being a director, but what kind of director?

I. How about a director demigoddess?

The chance to say AaaccTION! and CuUT! in the most obnoxious fashion because I’m brilliant even though every f-ING individual on the set hates my F-ing guts but smooches to the pooch anyway would be an an intriguing alter ego. To be an enfant terrible for a day would be dizzying. Here are a few cliched directorial lines I’d love to spew as a diva director:

“My pinky can act better than you!”
“I can’t believe I’m working with such amateurs!’
“Honey, you couldn’t act your way out of a paper bag.”
“We’re over budget, well what’s that gotta do with me? I’m trying to make a shitty film with a flimsy script and b grade actors great. You’re in charge of financing so go raise some dough.”

But seriously, I think after a day of being obnoxious, I’d give myself such a heartache that I’d swear off myself. Being obnoxious uses up a lot of negative energy. So I don’t think I could be this type of director.

II. How about the brilliant, neurotic director who fusses and fidgets over everything, is nerdy and awkward, driving everyone to the edge of insanity. This director talks to people through the air. Imaginary neurotic director monologue.

“U’m well that was good. Very good. But it’s not quite right. I can’t put my finger on it. Something’s off. Something’s definitely off. It’s-it’s the hair. Yes, that’s it. Hey hair guy, you see her hair, the wind is hitting it the wrong way and the scene was ruined, just ruined. We need to fix her hair.”

S/he is brilliant and delivers in the end, but the middle is a gazillion and one infinitesimal changes that drives everyone to the bottle.Yep, I think I’d pass on this one too.

III. Let’s try this third one on for size: the passionate director with a volcanic size personality and a temper to match. This person spits and spouts. Flying objects are prone to originate from their direction. They get so angry sometimes they speak in tongues.  sdkjh2@!O%#.

H’m, I think  I’d better stick to watching the movies.